Heaven help me!

Patience, or Charity:

That's something I keep praying for daily and moment by moment, patience (or charity as I've started to look at it). In fact tonight the boys were not getting into bed as I would like them to and I had to keep saying over and over in my mind, "Please help me to have charity, please help me to have charity." I'm not kidding. I've got to learn that the boys are going to be what they are and I can't change it. I can hope that I can teach them how to respect and choose the right. I can't force them to obey, as much as I want to. That's not the Lord's way! I made it through the night without any yelling...doesn't happen often. One of the Conference addresses (by Richard G Scott) was about abuse...so many times I wonder if I am abusing them because of how loud I get. This is not something other people see, it's only when other people aren't around. I would love to have a friend with me here 24 hours a day so I could be kind to my kids more often. I don't like laying it out on the table...it's not something I'm proud of, but maybe if I air it out it will get better.

I fear what I am teaching my boys. Whenever there's a baby around that cries, Kaleb says something like, "Ugh, I can't take it anymore," with his ears covered and temperature rising. I do have to say that I don't lose my temper with infants, their cries rarely bother me (especially when they come from my beautiful niece!). Kaleb's display comes from my impatience with crying within our own home with our own family. It's not teaching him good things. This poor kid has gotten the brunt of it, too. Being the first child and expecting so much from him, never having parented a child of whatever age he is...many mistakes are made. I'm hoping I may repair some of the damage done, and soon. My heart desires to be the patient mom that can take whatever is thrown her way...to be the parent all my friends think I am...to be a confident parent and not feel so inadequate so often. If I could only stop being so hard on myself and focus on the good things I do. Maybe some day, with lots of prayer and finding ways to cope with defiance and teach with love. Maybe some day!

I'm still here

It's been like a whole week without a post...dang, I remember a time where I was lucky to get one done a month. My eyes are getting better, still blurry, but much better. They are extremely dry, and that causes most of the blurriness. This is the reason why I haven’t done a blog, it’s so hard to look at the screen of my computer for too long. Plus last week was Spring Break and the kids were…being kids…all week. It was nice sleeping in, getting sick, and not having to worry about taking the boys places all day long. In fact I didn’t run one errand the whole week, it was great! I’m better now, after a relapse yesterday of being sick. The kids are back in school, and life is back to “normal”.

Today was actually a wonderful day! Kaleb and Tyler started Karate, and Derek is going to start next Monday. They loved it and are going to really enjoy it for at least this next month. We got a great deal for the first month…the next months are questionable, just because we have so many to put into the class…the cost really adds up. Yikes!

Here’s one of my most favorite things I’ve read most recently from Sheri Dew’s book “If life were Easy, it wouldn’t be Hard”. It’s a quote by CS Lewis: “…surely what a man does when he is taken off guard is the best evidence for what sort of man he is? Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth…” Here Sheri is talking about Charity and if we are charitable we will know by our initial response to situations. And it struck me that when I am at home is when the disguise is not on. My initial response is not usually one full of charity when my children are “getting on my nerves”. This is something I can change, and the Lord has the capacity to help me. If I pray for Charity, not patience, not an ability to “deal” with what they do, but to be charitable to them, my heart will be changed. I’m so excited to understand this in such a different light. I feel there is hope in my parenting techniques. All the parenting books I’ve read have been great, but never stuck with me after I’ve read them. Maybe this is my life changing realization…I’m so stoked!

I think that will be all for now…my eyes are so dry, I need to be done. I hope you’re all doing well and you all have a great evening!

A Few Things

I have joined the ranks of the seeing! Tuesday I went through Laser Eye Surgery...a little scary, a lot of pressure (on the eye), and amazing vision! It's so weird to take a shower, wake up, see what time it is in the middle of the night when one of the kids come into bed with us; all being able to see just fine. My eyes are very dry and I have a lot of glare still, but that will go away soon. I went to my post-op appointment yesterday and my vision was 20/20 in my right eye and 25/20 in my left...this from starting at worse than 2500/20 (they can't tell how bad it is after you can't see the big "E" on the chart at all) in both eyes. I am ecstatic about it! I woke up yesterday when Tyler came in and I exclaimed, "I can see you!!!" I can't wait until my sight is 100% and I can wear make-up again, but I am soooooooooo happy with what I have right now! I think I am getting a headache because my vision is so much clearer than I am used to. I'm not complaining, I think it's awesome!

A subject I'd like to broach is Autism. I have a few friends that are currently learning about autism because their daughters have it. If I remember right 10 years ago it was normally boys who had autism...not so much the case anymore. One of my friends, Corinne, has known for a while about her oldest daughter having ASD, and is now concerned about her third daughter exhibiting the same signs. She has some great information on her web site about vaccinations and diet, with more information to come. You can visit http://www.ckcclan.blogspot.com/ to see what she has posted about her sweet little girls and what she has been able to find out.

Another friend some of you may know is Ashleigh Bayard. She has found out her children have very severe asthma and is learning a lot about how to help their environment become safer, not only for children with asthma but for all families with children. She's learned a lot about lead and what may contain lead, what toy companies are staying lead free, and other great information. If anyone would like to receive emails from her about her research post a comment with your email address and I'll pass it on to her. Or you could email me to let me know.

I hope you all have a wonderful day. The sun sure is helping me to feel more energized and enthusiastic. May you all find sunshine in your day!

Happy Easter!

I'm without pictures for now, but still wanted to post a blog on this glorious Easter day. It was my privilege to help put on an Easter Activity for the older children in Primary. We had four "booths" that related to what people did in Jesus' time. One was fishing, one was food sampling, another was "carpentry", and the last was basket weaving. The carpentry was the one I was in charge of and it went quite well. Each child had a plaque that had a picture of the Tomb taped to it. With a screw and hammer they were able to punch holes to make the picture become one with the plaque. :) It was fun to watch the children have such a great time. What a great beginning to a beautiful and crazy weekend.

That same day we also had a baptism to attend at 3, Tyler had a birthday party from 4-6 in Arroyo Grande, and an Elders quorum activity at the church at 5. All of this occured with Logan being sick, the poor dear! He was a trooper and with the help of one of my friends (and Tyler's friends' mom) we were able to be to all the events since we divided and conquered.

Today was a great day at church, other than the older boys having a rough time in Sacrament meeting. I was teaching the lesson in Singing/Sharing time. It went well and felt like new information was given to the Sr Primary that they either forgot or hadn't heard before. I love being in Primary. It's extremely exhausting, but totally worth it!

We had a wonderful family day. We weren't able to spend it with Brennan, Tracie, Garen, and Emree due to sick children, but it was a great day with our sweet little family. The boys loved eating their candy. Logan and I had a great nap (his second). And we all enjoyed watching movies and "America's Funniest Home Videos" (one of our favorites).

I am so thankful for the sacrifice of my brother and Savior so many years ago. How glorious to be able to be resurrected when the day comes. I am grateful for the opportunity I have to be forgiven of my sins and to return to live with my Heavenly Father again some day. Words cannot describe how blessed I feel to have the gospel in my life. I love sharing teachings and beliefs to my children along with all the other wonderful children in the ward. I hope I can live my life in a way that is pleasing unto my Father in Heaven. May you all have the peace and joy that comes with righteous living and joyful attitudes.

Thankful for my Blessings!

This really touched my heart. It helps me know I can face my difficulties with a better attitude and just be thankful for my life. It's a reminder as to why you don't let a friend, or even yourself, drive after having just a few drinks.

Ode to Sarah

William kept saying that when my Sister in law lost her hair from her Chemo treatment that he would shave his head. Well, here it is. He came out of the shower without hair, and said that he thought it would be nice to let Sarah know how much we love her and think about her. Here's a post just for her, so she knows how loved she is.

An update for all who knew she was diagnosed with Leukemia...she is back at home after 4, or so, weeks in the hospital. Her body did not like the Chemo at all, but after a few weeks was fit enough to be away from her hospital bed at Utah Valley Hospital. She's going in this next week to have her bone marrow tested to see how things are looking before they determine this next treatment set. She is gaining energy back more and more every day and finds that she is energized by her sweet nieces that live so close (I wish we still did!).

Sarah is an amazing woman! She's had such a great attitude throughout this trial. She sets such a great example for her family and friends. I call myself lucky to call her Sister!

Happy Anniversary

It's my Mom and Dad's 40th Anniversary today!!! I'm so glad they got married 40 years ago, or I wouldn't be here. So, thanks Mom and Dad for getting married 40 years ago so I could be here (and Brennan and K.C. and Carrie and all the family that's with them now, and my cute little family).

We love you, Mom and Dad! We are so glad we get to see you so much. We are grateful for your friendship and love. The boys (and Will and I) would love to see you every single day (and I guess we come pretty darn close to it).

It's awe-inspiring to see you both staying strong and making it through all the years you've been together. Another ten and you'll be setting records. :)

WE LOVE YOU!