Patience, or Charity:
That's something I keep praying for daily and moment by moment, patience (or charity as I've started to look at it). In fact tonight the boys were not getting into bed as I would like them to and I had to keep saying over and over in my mind, "Please help me to have charity, please help me to have charity." I'm not kidding. I've got to learn that the boys are going to be what they are and I can't change it. I can hope that I can teach them how to respect and choose the right. I can't force them to obey, as much as I want to. That's not the Lord's way! I made it through the night without any yelling...doesn't happen often. One of the Conference addresses (by Richard G Scott) was about abuse...so many times I wonder if I am abusing them because of how loud I get. This is not something other people see, it's only when other people aren't around. I would love to have a friend with me here 24 hours a day so I could be kind to my kids more often. I don't like laying it out on the table...it's not something I'm proud of, but maybe if I air it out it will get better.
I fear what I am teaching my boys. Whenever there's a baby around that cries, Kaleb says something like, "Ugh, I can't take it anymore," with his ears covered and temperature rising. I do have to say that I don't lose my temper with infants, their cries rarely bother me (especially when they come from my beautiful niece!). Kaleb's display comes from my impatience with crying within our own home with our own family. It's not teaching him good things. This poor kid has gotten the brunt of it, too. Being the first child and expecting so much from him, never having parented a child of whatever age he is...many mistakes are made. I'm hoping I may repair some of the damage done, and soon. My heart desires to be the patient mom that can take whatever is thrown her way...to be the parent all my friends think I am...to be a confident parent and not feel so inadequate so often. If I could only stop being so hard on myself and focus on the good things I do. Maybe some day, with lots of prayer and finding ways to cope with defiance and teach with love. Maybe some day!
6 comments:
Alison, it looks like you posted this between conference sessions?? Were you able to hear Elder Ballard's talk this afternoon? The part about how there is no way to be a perfect mother! We're all working on it, babe - I think that's why kids don't get baptized until they're 8...gives the parents a few more years to get their act together, haha! I don't know a mother out there who has never yelled at their kids, has never had moments of expecting too much or who hears a child repeat something that unfortunately they learned from their mom...there are just women who are either in denial or don't dwell on it (or at least that's what I choose to believe, since I'm certainly not a perfect mother!). My mother-in-law gave me a quote on a display tile for Christmas that I keep on the ledge above my kitchen sink and read it A LOT. It says: "I am happy not because things are perfect but because I choose to overlook the imperfections." It helps:) I just figure that it's impossible to be a perfect mother now, but my goal is to keep the scales tipped enough in that direction that when my kids are my age and struggling with their own wild child, that they'll look back and selectively remember their perfect mother:)
I did get to hear, and take notes I might add, Elder Ballard's talk. I took great notes, in fact and I'll be watching it again, and reading it, and trying to live it. I really needed it...I don't often get a talk that feels like it was directed to me, but his felt like it was. I think I've been in a funk, and will hopefully come out soon. I just hope Will can listen to Elder Ballard's talk soon, I think he could take a few things said and put them into his life too. :) I love you Sandy! Thanks for your understanding and loving words. You know just what to say!
I'm gonna print that one up, too - it was really nice to have a talk that gave very concrete advice.
Love you too!
All I can say is this... you know how I feel about your parenting. I am so impressed by you and I try very hard to take note because I think your parenting is great. Your fair and loving. Just know I am always impressed!
It is always nice to read things others write that make me feel more human! At least you are nice around your friends. Unfortunately, as I did in college, I carry all my emotions on my sleeves! My friends get to see the real me all the time and I am just glad they have stuck around to get a laugh once and a while! Keep on doing what you are doing. You have created a stable, loving home!
you are a great mom, we all have the same struggles, especially us moms of lots of boys! i tell you something though, the token system works really well for the boys, i reward their good behavior and they get to "spend" their tokens on tv and computer and buying new toys. it's made a world of a difference in our house.
Post a Comment