Quote of the Day...

This one actually came from me...I was talking to my good friend, Krissy, and managed to blurt out, "I had a great day with the kids...until I got out of bed!" The delivery was excellent and when I was saying it I didn't really think of it that way.

Here's where this comment came from. I was in my room until about 11 this morning working on Primary stuff. The boys were in and out of the room, but I hadn't emerged at any point until 11. Then once I had taken care of lunch it was time to get some cleaning done...and the crap hit the fan! Holy Cow, I never realized how much my children argue with me and merely ignore anything I tell them to do. We have got to get this under control. I never would have even thought about talking to my mother the way my boys talk to me. I looked at Kaleb and said, "If I ever came even close to talking to your gramma that way grampa would have been beating me so bad!" (Side note...I never was beaten by my dad nor would he have ever beaten me, but Kaleb doesn't know that.) I would have had a stern talking to and plenty of time to think about what I had done...and I just really wasn't that kind of kid.

Here's my question...how far is too far when it comes to a child talking back? I know you are supposed to pick and choose your battles...is this one I should battle? It seems like a losing battle to me. The respect, or should I say lack of respect, is sickening to me. Not just from the boys to me, but from me to the boys. How far is too far when it comes to saying, "Because I said so," and "If you don't knock that look off your face, I'll knock it off for you." :) These boys really test the waters and push the buttons to get me going. I have been trying to let things roll off my back, but they seem to just keep pushing further and further. Dang, if I could only be a "perfect mother" (like they even exist). I was a perfect mother...until I had children. :)

I think I may have answered my own question...don't ignore it, send them to their room, calmly, and have them think about what they had done. And as soon as they came out they have to come apologize to me, or to William. I love the way my parents parented me...maybe I need to think about how they would have handled the situation more often. Don't over talk it. Don't intimidate them into being respectful (that will never work). I tend to over talk everything that happens. I think I need to re-read "Love and Logic". It's a great book, just another one I have a hard time implementing.

So, that’s what I have to say today. Thanks for letting me talk through my issues. Sometimes it’s just nice to get things out on paper so it all makes more sense. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why we’ve been told to keep a journal. Huh.

Get this...

Ok, so it's been a little while since my weekend away and I'm still feeling calm inside. I really think it changed me for the long run, it was life altering. Today someone cut me off when she changed lanes, and I had no internal reaction or external reaction. It wasn't an awful cut off, but enough to make me slow down a bit. I just told myself that she must have not seen me or didn't realize how close I really was. It felt great...a huge breakthrough for me! I'm usually steaming inside and make some kind of rude remark (knowing the whole while she can't hear me and it doesn't affect her at all). My self talk is getting much better.

I've also started the "token system" than my friend Vanessa does with her kids. I've read about it before, having studied psychology, watched plenty of "Super Nanny", and read so many parenting books, but never been able to truly put it into practice. I've done it, I've implemented it and the boys love it...as long as they are earning points and not losing points. Some days are better than others...I've got to keep their interest and remind them a lot about earning a point or losing a point and what they can get for their points. I've got my posters up with what to do to get a point, or 2, and the rules and what happens when they break the rules, and how they can spend their points. I think I'll review it with them again today and remind them what it's all about and the fun things they can get for their points. I've noticed a change in myself in regards to warnings and reminders. I don't fly off the handle as easily (but there are good days and bad), and help them see how their attitude effects the points the get or lose. It's a great teaching tool. All I can say is, thank you,Vanessa, for helping me see that it really does make a difference.

The latest news in the family is that Will's mom is in the hospital. She went in for a scheduled surgery and things looked good at first...but then her kidney's shut down. That caused a lot of issues, very serious issues. Her bowels expanded like a balloon from all the excess fluid and ended up with pin hole leaks (not good at all). The doctors went in and fixed the hole they knew about, cut out some of the damaged muscles to get rid of the infection, left her open for the night and kept and eye on any more leaks. The next day they found two more leaks and took out the damaged part of her bowels (at least that's what I've gathered from it all). The doctors were surprised that she was able to make it through. The day we found out about the complications, Will got a ticket to fly out there...so he's there now (in Maryland) and says she's doing good. The whole family is there (except the boys and me). The last time that happened was before we were married and she had a stroke. Can I just tell you that I have the best Mother-in-law ever!!! She loves everyone she comes in contact with. You can't help but feel special around her. Her children are so devoted to her and love her so much they have a hard time being away from her for any amount of time. I count myself lucky to be a part of her life. I've felt loved and accepted by her from the very first day I met her (the day before our wedding). She is a very special woman and I'm glad to call her Mom!

ABC's of Me

Here's the other tag I received. You can find out all about my friend Melissa on her blog (site on friend's list), since she's the one that tagged me. :) Here goes:

A. Attached or Single: Definitely happily attached!

B. Best Friend: See answer above. :) The love of my life. Then after that I have too many wonderful friends to call just one my best friend.

C. Cake or Pie: CAKE! But it has to be chocolate!

D. Day of Choice: Any with a break from Mom-hood, but I don't think that's what it's asking. I'll go for Saturday...not as much running around with pick-ups and drop-offs.

E. Essential Items: Logan's extra pair of pants and underwear, wipes to clean hands and faces, sunglasses so I'm not blinded by the sun, sunscreen is going to be an essential soon, Excedrin.

F. Favorite Color: My favorites right now are Brown and Pink together, Violet, and Red

G. Gummy Bears or Worms: Gummy bears as long as Pink ones are involved.

H. Hometown: Living in it right now, San Luis Obispo. The other one I call home at times is Rexburg, Id. I lived there for a little while when a little girl, and was my favorite place while in College.

I. Favorite Indulgence: Ice Cream, as long as it's Chocolate. Full body Massages.

J. January or July: Hard to choose, I had a child born in both months, and a husband in July, and lots of other family born in both months. If I had to go by weather it would be July, as long as it's not too hot. Vacations and camping happen during July...I love vacations and camping.

K. Kids: Yes. Kaleb 8 1/2, Tyler 7, Derek 5 1/2, Logan 3. My stresses and greatest joys ever!

L. Life is not complete without...: My husband, children, family, good friends, Gospel of Jesus Christ, laughing.

M. Marriage Date: August 14, 1998

N. Number of Brothers and Sisters: 1 Sister, 2 Brothers, 6 Sister-in-laws, 2 Brother-in-laws

O. Oranges or Apples: Golden Delicious Apples, all the way.

P. Phobia or Fears: Tidal Wave (dreamt many times without knowing it was a fear), losing one of my children or husband, a bit claustrophobic.

Q. Quote: "Ask and ye shall receive, Knock and it shall be opened unto you."

R. Reasons to smile: Children, family, friends, all my blessings.

S. Superman or Wonder Woman: Since I have so many Supermen in my life, I have to be Wonder Woman...many people I meet must think I'm Wonder Woman with their comments and looks.

T. Tag four People: Krissy, Becky, Sandy, Sarah and I'm going to change it to FIVE, so the last one is Tracie (I can help you figure out how to work your blog :) ).

U. Unknown fact about me: I broke my leg when I was 16 months old and that's the only broken bone that could be caste ever in my life. I did have 3 fractures in my big toe after the horse stepped on in 2003 (and a toe nail missing, that is now gone forever).

V. Vegetable: ALL. Most unusual that I love is Baby Bok Choy.

W. Worst Habit: picking my face (blackheads, zits, bumps, scabs, whatever is available to pick)

X. X-ray or Ultrasound: Ultrasound (that means it's not as serious of an "injury" if there is one)

Y. Your favorite food: Ummmm, anything Chocolate!!!!

Z. Zodiac Sign: Scorpio

So there's some tidbits about me. I'm sure you already knew most of them...but it's always fun to see what you may not know about someone. I can't wait to read the ABC's of Becky, Krissy, Sandy, Sarah, and Tracie (just a reminder so you don't forget). Ha. Love to all of you and have a fantabulous day!

Time Out for Women

Mom, Tracie, Emree and I all went to "Time Out for Women" put on by Deseret Book. It was amazing! Kenneth Cope was one of the musicians. There was also a group called "Mercy River" mercyrivermusic.com/index.html and a group from Nashville that go around the world singing their tribut to the Prophet Joseph Smith and the Pioneers. You can go here www.highwayrecords.com/joseph/ to check out what their group is all about.

They all touched my soul, but I'd have to say the most impressive of course was Kenneth Cope. You can visit his Myspace here www.myspace.com/kennethcopeofficial. I even got to get one of his CD's signed and got a hug from him. It was inspiring to listen to all the music. And the speakers were motivating, comforting, funny, and touching. Mary Ellen Edmunds was there and was funnier than all get out. She is so honest and shares real life dealings and is real. I loved being able to thank her for her words and was able to get a signature from her also.

Getting away was most amazing. It was so fun to be with Mom, Tracie and Emree. We were up until 2:30 am Friday night just talking and enjoying each other (Emree was asleep, thank goodness). It is cherished time I will never forget! William was awesome (and Brennan) for watching the boys and not ever calling me once while I was gone. I'd love to make a yearly thing out of it. It's so renewing and revitalizing. Next time we'll have to make sure ALL the women of the family can go (that's you Carrie and Sarah!) It would be great if at some point I could go out to Maryland and go with all of the women on the other side of my family!

I feel like a new woman and ready to face things with a better attitude, to not be so hard on myself, accept my follies and just continue to improve. I learned I had forgotten about myself, especially my Spiritual Self. I need to focus on me more often and not get so caught up in life. I need to enjoy each moment and stop rushing around all the time. My "self talk" is going to continue to improve. I'm going to talk myself through moments of stress to stop and look at the other person's point of view (especially my children's). I feel happy inside. My moments of frustration are more easily replaced with calm and compassion. Let's just say that I really needed a "Time Out" and I suggest one for everyone!!

Quote of the Week

The other night as I was closing Derek and Tyler's bedroom door, Tyler asked, "Mom, does Jesus have a body?" I replied, "Yep, He sure does!" Tyler then quietly and with awe stated, "COOL!", rolled over and went to sleep. It was so endeering to me that I couldn't help but laugh after I had left the room. I knew it was a conversation I had to put down in the books...so here it is. I love my boys so much, especially when they come up with cute things like that. I wish I could have been inside his head at that moment to know exactly where that question came from and what he was thinking after the answer. So cute!

Holy cow! I've been tagged twice now to tell people about myself in specific ways. I'll attack the first tag first. This one came from my great, long time friend, Sandy (deGroot) Zent.

Three names you go by:
1. Mom
2. Alison
3. Al

Three of your favorite things to do:
1. Watching my kids' antics while I relax (I wish)
2. Scrapbooking
3. Reading

Three favorite pets you have had/have
1. Cocker Spaniel, Mater
2. Grey Tabbie, Angel
3. Favorite Cat ever - Muffin (now belongs to KC and Sarah)

Three longest car/plane rides:
1. Airplane to New York from Salt Lake City
2. Airplane to Can Cun Mexico from San Luis
3. Car from San Luis Obispo to Big Sky Montana with Mom and Dad

Three favorite holidays:
1. Christmas
2. Halloween
3. Thanksgiving (anything to get family from distance together)

Three favorite beverages:
1. Yummy hot chocolate (from Starbucks is the best!)
2. Lemonade
3. Water

So that's the first tag. On this one I now tag Melissa White (all's fair in bloging tags :) ), Vanessa, and Cynthia.

By the way...you guys are great! I have great friends! My struggles are large as a mother, but it's as Elder M. Russell Ballard said in the Sunday Afternoon Session of General Conference, that we must cherish the "shining moments of joy and satisfaction" amidst all the frustration. He was so talking to me in that address! I've had a great couple days with the boys at night (not so great this morning, but I can't ask for perfection too soon!).

I'll do the other tag in a few days so you all will read this one and those that I've tagged will hopefully see and do! :)

Heaven help me!

Patience, or Charity:

That's something I keep praying for daily and moment by moment, patience (or charity as I've started to look at it). In fact tonight the boys were not getting into bed as I would like them to and I had to keep saying over and over in my mind, "Please help me to have charity, please help me to have charity." I'm not kidding. I've got to learn that the boys are going to be what they are and I can't change it. I can hope that I can teach them how to respect and choose the right. I can't force them to obey, as much as I want to. That's not the Lord's way! I made it through the night without any yelling...doesn't happen often. One of the Conference addresses (by Richard G Scott) was about abuse...so many times I wonder if I am abusing them because of how loud I get. This is not something other people see, it's only when other people aren't around. I would love to have a friend with me here 24 hours a day so I could be kind to my kids more often. I don't like laying it out on the table...it's not something I'm proud of, but maybe if I air it out it will get better.

I fear what I am teaching my boys. Whenever there's a baby around that cries, Kaleb says something like, "Ugh, I can't take it anymore," with his ears covered and temperature rising. I do have to say that I don't lose my temper with infants, their cries rarely bother me (especially when they come from my beautiful niece!). Kaleb's display comes from my impatience with crying within our own home with our own family. It's not teaching him good things. This poor kid has gotten the brunt of it, too. Being the first child and expecting so much from him, never having parented a child of whatever age he is...many mistakes are made. I'm hoping I may repair some of the damage done, and soon. My heart desires to be the patient mom that can take whatever is thrown her way...to be the parent all my friends think I am...to be a confident parent and not feel so inadequate so often. If I could only stop being so hard on myself and focus on the good things I do. Maybe some day, with lots of prayer and finding ways to cope with defiance and teach with love. Maybe some day!

I'm still here

It's been like a whole week without a post...dang, I remember a time where I was lucky to get one done a month. My eyes are getting better, still blurry, but much better. They are extremely dry, and that causes most of the blurriness. This is the reason why I haven’t done a blog, it’s so hard to look at the screen of my computer for too long. Plus last week was Spring Break and the kids were…being kids…all week. It was nice sleeping in, getting sick, and not having to worry about taking the boys places all day long. In fact I didn’t run one errand the whole week, it was great! I’m better now, after a relapse yesterday of being sick. The kids are back in school, and life is back to “normal”.

Today was actually a wonderful day! Kaleb and Tyler started Karate, and Derek is going to start next Monday. They loved it and are going to really enjoy it for at least this next month. We got a great deal for the first month…the next months are questionable, just because we have so many to put into the class…the cost really adds up. Yikes!

Here’s one of my most favorite things I’ve read most recently from Sheri Dew’s book “If life were Easy, it wouldn’t be Hard”. It’s a quote by CS Lewis: “…surely what a man does when he is taken off guard is the best evidence for what sort of man he is? Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth…” Here Sheri is talking about Charity and if we are charitable we will know by our initial response to situations. And it struck me that when I am at home is when the disguise is not on. My initial response is not usually one full of charity when my children are “getting on my nerves”. This is something I can change, and the Lord has the capacity to help me. If I pray for Charity, not patience, not an ability to “deal” with what they do, but to be charitable to them, my heart will be changed. I’m so excited to understand this in such a different light. I feel there is hope in my parenting techniques. All the parenting books I’ve read have been great, but never stuck with me after I’ve read them. Maybe this is my life changing realization…I’m so stoked!

I think that will be all for now…my eyes are so dry, I need to be done. I hope you’re all doing well and you all have a great evening!